Countless times in my life, I have said "someday". Someday, I'll make more art again. Someday, I'll check out that new place I've been meaning to go. Someday, I'll finish that project (like the makeshift curtains in our living room that are still in their jerry-rigged state a year and a half after moving...ugh!). Someday, I'll get back to doing yoga. Someday, I'll finally write and illustrate the children's books that I've had ideas for forever. Someday, I'll start blogging again (it's been almost a year since my last post...). You get the idea.
Recently my life had become so full of these "somedays", that they started to become overwhelming. Everywhere I looked, it seemed there was a reminder of something I wanted to do, but had put off until "someday". I became stuck. I had all these things to do someday, but what about today? My entire life felt like it was on hold, waiting to happen. And what kind of life is that??
Of course, with little ones in the house, it's often difficult to find the time for everything you want to do. (Love them as I do, they sure are time-suckers!) But I've come to realize how important it is to carve out time for yourself. And how important it is to prioritize your life. And to make changes so that you can do the things that really matter to you. You know that saying, 'If mom's not happy, no one is'? Yeah, that.
When Little G (who's not so little now) started Kindergarten last fall, I started thinking more about my job and how it wasn't really working for me anymore. While there were aspects of working at a florist that I enjoyed (and still do, on occasion), others...not so much. Like being tied to retail hours and being expected to work extra hours for every holiday. That was really starting to get to me. I wanted to be home with G before and after school. I wanted the flexibility to be able to volunteer in the classroom. I wanted to enjoy our holidays instead of being stressed out working overtime. I wanted more say in what I did with my time.
So I made a change. It wasn't easy. I had been at the same job for nearly 10 years. But when I found a job working from home doing something I love to do anyway, I knew I had to take a chance and seize the opportunity. I admit the transition to a new job has been rocky, but several months in, I have no regrets. True, there has been more of learning curve than I anticipated. True, it has been a struggle to manage my time efficiently and get enough work done. True, we've had to make sacrifices because my income is lower now. But has it all been worth it? Absolutely! When I look back at the school year and think about all of the things that I was able to do that just wouldn't have been possible had I not made this change, it has been undoubtedly worth it. Am I still struggling to adjust to the new job? Yes. But I'm trying to keep a positive outlook and have faith that it will work out, given time. And if it doesn't...well, at least it was a step in the right direction. That I know for certain!
Over the course of the past year, all this job transition stuff has taken a lot of my time and energy. The "somedays" started piling up again. But that was bound to happen...after all, this wasn't simply a change of job, it was a complete change of career. A complete change of the way I spend my time, and the way I live my life. And the past few months haven't exactly been typical either. This spring, just as I was starting to get in a good rhythm with work/life balance, something unexpected happened: my father was diagnosed with lung cancer, and less than 2 months later, he was gone. Seeing someone close to you die is a surefire reminder for you to live. And not just to complacently go through your days, but to actually live your life to the fullest. To do all of the things you want to do. To experience new and exciting things, but also to savor the quiet little moments too. It's not always easy, but I'm doing my best to keep all this in mind as I heal and move forward. Baby steps, I keep reminding myself. And as for all those "somedays"? Well, now I say there's no someday like today.